Free Breakfast at IKEA Tomorrow!

If you are an IKEA fan like me, or perhaps just someone highly attuned to free food (as most information technology professionals are) you will want to join me tomorrow for a free breakfast at IKEA. They're even throwing in a free cup of weak Swedish coffee along with the eggs, potatoes and bacon. Yum! I can already taste the lingonberries.

Free Breakfast Details

I'll be searching for a new desk during my trip to IKEA, a new place to pen my infamous column for the Farmington Independent and to research my new book. Perhaps you can help me pick out a desk which will be a part of literary history (at least, the literary history of Farmington.) See you at IKEA!

Summer Concert Update

The ice flow on my sidewalk is shrinking in the warm March sunshine and my thoughts have turned to this year's summer concert lineup. On a Sirius satellite radio interview Ozzy said Ozzfest 2010 is happening. There are no bands or dates announced yet.

Apocalyptica (the trio that plays Metallica music on cellos) is going to be at Rockfest in Cadott, WI but the rest of the bands playing look lame or washed up.Whoever dreamed up Rockfest developed an incredible business plan to convince people to spend $250 to see Soul Asylum and one of the guys from Bush. I need to do the same! RockingOutFest 2011 in Farmington, MN! We'll invite the guys from Live, the annoying singer from 4 Non-Blondes and that one lady from the 90's who sings about riding the bus with God.Or maybe CountryStyleFest with country singers from the 70's, senior discounts, and lots of coffee booths. Hmmm . . . . I just might have a proposal brewing for the Farmington City Council. CountryStyleFest 2011!

Halloween Bash in Farmington!

You're invited to a huge Halloween bash!

When: Saturday, October 31, 7:00 PM - Whenever
Where: Mary and Joey's House (Email mlebens@yahoo.com for directions)

Be there or miss out on the costume contest*, bonfire, scary movie marathon and great chow, plus the infamous Farmington martini!

*Costumes not required, but you can't win if you don't wear one. Dressing up in a Linux t-shirt and claiming you're an information technology professional does not count as a costume for the purposes of this contest.

A Fork in the Road

After several months of staging my house before work every morning and a few tumbling-rumbling near misses wth interested buyers, the price on the place in St. Paul went up. I decided I can't stomach the potential higher mortgage. I visited a few St. Paul foreclosures with ratty yards, disturbing stains in the bathroom and close proximity to freeways and junkyards, but my poor hubby couldn't stomach them. He likes the pad in Farmington. Living a block from a junkyard and an abandoned marina sounds exciting to me, but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea.

I've come to yet another fork in the road. It's time to unpack my Metallica Japanese import boxed set and return it to its display spot in the curio cabinet. I rehung my snapshots of my late cat, Beaner the Bagel Thief and the photo of myself at Ozzfest '98. I stashed away the lame fake plants and scented candles used for staging. The house is mine again, replete with my metalhead memoribilia and comfortable blankets, no longer a blank canvas upon which prospective buyers can project their hopes and dreams.

Was putting the house up for sale a mistake? Of course not. I received wonderful comments from potential buyers about the house's southern exposure, open spaces, cute staging and cleanliness. This alone was worth the frenetic staging. And in the fall I have new graduate classes to look forward to at St. Mary's University, which is a whole heck of a lot more exciting to me than a new pad anyway. As much as we attempt to exert control over our futures, chance will always intervene, and sometimes with a blessing instead of a blow. For now at least, I will be safe and secure in my beloved Farmington.

Farmington Dew Days 2009

Farmington Dew Days is back. A while ago my favorite city festival was renamed to Rambling River Days and the logo was changed to a group of restroom sign people holding hands. You know the generic man and woman that decorate restroom doors - they were prominently featured in last year's logo. Even the gender-neutral wheelchair person got in on the logo action. This year the Farmington festival is returning to its roots, hearkening back to the time when Farmington consumed the most Mountain Dew per capita of any town on earth.

Although the Kiss the Pig audience last weekend was mainly comprised of a motley group of senior citizens, little Miss Farmington contestants and roadies for the cover band Touched, I hold great hope this weekends events will sport better attendance. I'm looking forward to the motocross competition Friday night and the carnival and outdoor movie "Twilight" on Saturday. I hope to see you there!

On Channel 10 Tonight: Windows 2000

The news this past week was filled with stories about the switchover from analog to digital TV signal. When the switchover was first announced, I posited it was a conspiracy by flat screen manufacturers to force consumers to give up their beloved console television sets. Since then I've gotten extra basic cable (local channels, plus C-SPAN, WGN and in case you are really having trouble sleeping, C-SPAN II.) Tonight at I clapped on* the console for the first time since the switchover. I flipped through the channels looking for The Simpsons. I'm guessing the digital switchover wasn't painless for the Farmington/Rosemount area branch of the cable company. Channel 10 is currently broadcasting the Windows 2000 Professional screen saver with an audio soundtrack of contemporary Christian rock. The soundtrack seems out of place to me. After spending a few years saddled with a work laptop running Windows 2000, I'm certain quite a few people have taken Christ's name in vain while using that OS. There's nothing heavenly about Windows 2000.

---

* I use a Clapper to turn the TV on and off since it lacks a remote.

Minnesota: Your Next Eco-Adventure Vacation

I came across a stunning Minnesota reference in David Brooks' "Bobos in Paradise":

. . . today's educated executives thrill and then eventually bore you with their high-altitude conquests. . . . In the midst of such soliloquies I used to wonder why these North Face Folks didn't just take their two-week winter vacation and go to Minnesota to join a road crew. If they wanted brutal conditions, a tough challenge, and team camaraderie, at least in Minnesota they could have filled in a few potholes and had something to show for their misery.

Mr. Brooks, I completely agree. Why climb a mountain when you can achieve frostbite here in Minnesota? I have a few grey bits of flesh on my toes to brag about. Although those are do to a completely pedestrian story about a broken car heater, when I embellish it a bit, it's nearly as captivating as any executive's story about their latest eco-adventure.

Brooks, David. 2000. Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster. pp.210-211.

Finally Done

Last week was finals. The lead up to that week is always a bleary haze of paper-writing and PowerPoint presentations, especially since it never fails that finals week always falls at the same time as overtime does for work. I was eating out of the desk drawer all week, just fishing out a dehydrated mac'n'cheese pouch or cup of soup for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. Some days I remembered to bring a V8 or an orange so this time around I avoided getting scurvy.
As if finals week wasn't exciting enough, I decided to put my house up for sale the weekend before exams. Many of you know how much I love Farmington, and how this was a difficult decision for me, fraught with emotion about my home town. I've signed a contingent purchase agreement on a place in the city. So if a buyer likes my house, I'll be moving north of the river, if not, I'll stay cozily ensconced in the warmth of my neighbors and friends in my favorite small town.
In this market it might be a long shot that a buyer will appear, but then again, my house has new bathroom fixtures and really nice closed loop variegated carpet in the living room and dining room. Plus there's the neutral decor and beautiful view of the pond. I'll let fate decide where I'll be living next year. Sometimes you just need to instigate a change, find out where another path might lead. As Robert Frost wrote, "I took the road less travelled by, and that has made all the difference". I've brought myself to a point where two roads diverge, and I'm ready to discover which fork I'll take. I'll discover if I'm not just finally done with finals, but perhaps, done with Farmington as well.

Farmington News Pushed to You

The Farmington Independent now offers live RSS feeds. You still need a subscription to read my column in the Independent, but now you can get live action news pushed straight to your phone or PC from Farmington's premier news source.

Rambling River Days Wrap-Up

If you missed the Hairball show at Rambling River Days in Farmington, you missed one of Southern Minnesota's top rock events of 2008. Over 1,500 people crowded around the stage at the Schmitz-Maki arena. Keg after keg of 3.2 beer was drained as Farmington residents rocked out to the sounds of Guns'n'Roses, Metallica and Twisted Sister. The June night air was sweet with the scent of cut grass. A canopy of stars sparkled above the beer tent. Hairball's singer belted out the lyrics to Guns'n'Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle." "You know where you are Farmington? You're in the jungle baby!" A wave of cheers erupted from the crowd. The night was beautiful.

Kiss the Pig

I'm just back from the Kiss the Pig contest at Rambling River Days. I needed to grab a bite of vegetarian food before the big Hairball concert tonight. I need vegetable fuel before I spend two or three hours rocking out.
I won't reveal the winner of the Kiss the Pig contest. If you missed it, you'll just have to wait in suspense until you get this week's edition of the Farmington Independent. Suffice it to say, this year the pig weighed more than me, had to be wrestled to the stage by a police officer and then got kissed by three unnamed Farmington residents. Over $1200 was raised for the senior center as people voted by donations for the Kiss the Pig winner. The real winner this year is the Rambling River Center, which serves the burgeoning Farmington senior community.
Stay tuned for more updates on the Hairball show and maybe, just maybe, a couple of pics of the action.

Mark Your Calendars

As you are planning summer vacations and camping trips, make sure you mark your calendar for Saturday, June 21, 2008. Why? That night you are going to be rocking out to the sound of Hairball with me and thousands of cool Farmington residents at the Schmitz-Maki arena. The arena is just minutes south of beautiful downtown Farmington (literally minutes, even if you are on foot.) Hairball plays the greatest hits of '80's hair metal. That's enough for me to be a fan. But wait, there's more! They do it in costume. They literally transform themselves into living likenesses of Guns'N'Roses, Twisted Sister and AC/DC. Sometimes they switch up the lyrics to humorous subject matter, just like Weird Al. They are Minnesota's best hair metal parody band, and they're coming to Farmington! The excitement in the air is palpable. People are pulling their fringed leather jackets out of the attic and investing in hairspray. I even bought a can, just in case there's a run on hairspray at Econofoods the day of the show. This will be THE concert of the year in Farmington.

Here are the rocking details - be there, or be lame!


Where: Rambling River Days, Schmitz-Maki Arena

When: Saturday, June 21st, 2008 8 PM - Midnight
Get there early for the Kiss-the-Pig contest at 5:30 PM. There's a $5 cover charge after 6. Don't forget to wear your Rambling River Days button! I know it's hard to pin a button onto a leather jacket, so I'm planning to pin mine to my acid-washed jeans.


View Larger Map

Snowshoeing in a Heat Wave

I took advantage of today's heat wave to do a little snowshoeing. When hiking with snowshoes, you have to assume a wide stance so that you don't step on the edge of one shoe with the other and fall face first into the white stuff. I think Senator Larry Craig would be a natural at snowshoeing. I'll bet he wished he was practicing his wide stance on a pair of snowshoes during his last visit to Minnesota, instead of in a public restroom.
Today the air was balmy, the sun bright and the snow deep beneath my feet. I left the trail to free roam a frozen wetlands area. Trailing between the dried stalks of last summer's plants were vole and rabbit tracks. The last streaks of the sunset were on the horizon when I finally returned to my car.
After a couple of hours plodding around in the white stuff, I was drenched with sweat. It was so warm outside that it was like snowshoeing in a sauna. On the drive home, I swung into the gas station to fill up the Echo's tiny tank. The little guy was covered in snow scum from the melting banks along the streets. I decided to splurge on a bath for him.
I paid for the gas and wash, then pulled around the backside of the station to find a line of cars cleverly hidden behind the wide building. I squirmed in my damp clothes and looked back over my shoulder. Headlights were already approaching. I was trapped in the line now, with no way to leave the narrow alley.
I wiled away half an hour listening to Metallica on the Echo's MP3 player and feeling sticky before I finally inched into the car wash garage. As a final annoyance, the blow dryer refused to turn on when the wash was complete. I crept forward, trying to trigger the invisible sensor, but nothing occurred. I swore a few times. At home I wiped the car dry before finally showering. Even on a warm Minnesota day, after a couple of hours snowshoeing, the shower water feels sharply hot on your chilled feet. After bathing my Echo, I was content to finally rinse myself off.

Snow Drifting

A few of you might remember when I posted my take on the movie
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. I've been fascinated with race cars drifting around curves since that movie. Unfortunately, I haven't had a proper occasion to try drifting. When I'm driving around Farmington in my steady Echo, things are more like "The Slow and the Serious". Tonight I discovered a drifting experience I might be able to get into, though. I found a video of a little Smart drifting furiously in a snowy open lot. A drifting dream come true!

Scraping By

Today I left work a bit early to try and beat the snowstorm home. I walked out to a snow covered car, and realized I forgot to put the big ice scraper back into my trunk this fall. I dug out the tiny dustpan and broom combo that I use to sweep my floor mats. I scraped off the entire car with the tiny broom. Thank goodness I had it in the car. I just barely scraped by with it.

Then the 16-mile drive home inexplicably took two hours. I left early hoping to make it home safely before dark. I pulled into the garage as the last fingers of twilight were reaching across the night sky.

At least I was able to finish up my last couple of hours of work today sitting next the cozy fireplace at home. My work laptop never looked so lovely as it does by firelight. The fire casts a warm glow across the brushed aluminum case.

Bingo Wings

This week is the Dakota County Fair in Farmington. I don't know how much people will be in a mood for a festival, after what happened last week in Minneapolis. After a terrible spell, though, sometimes it can be a comfort to do something familiar and mundane, like watching cows feed, munching deep-fried cheese, and perusing 4-H project displays.
I'm hope I can drop by the demo derby tomorrow night. I haven't missed one in 15 years, and despite that one comment I received about white trash entertainment, I won't miss it this year. I have no shame. Mud, crashing cars, and cotton candy - how could you not have fun? Last year I even found a stand selling veggie burgers. Yum! Mud and burgers!
I hope to see you out there. I'll be wearing my neon yellow official Dakota County Fair T-Shirt!

Statistics Overload

First off, I apologize for not posting much lately. I am working on statistics homework. I love my classes, but the homework takes up most of the time I have available to blather here about my vehicles, my zoo of pets and heavy metal.
I've also been busy working out at Snap Fitness in Farmington. Although I'm a heavy metal fan, I don't want to become a heavy-set metal fan. The friendly owners of Snap helped me sign up for a membership so I can keep up my fitness goals in between crushing rounds of stats homework.

Keep posted on my blog - A new contest is coming soon! Plus, more news on Ozzfest!"

Party Wrap-Up

Thank you to everyone who attended the party Saturday night. Thanks especially to those who brought cake and beer! It was a blast!

Unfortunately, Paul, our pal from the U.K. couldn't join us and he missed out on a great slice of cake chased by a Smithwick's. We missed Paul and everyone else that had family commitments this weekend. I hope to see you at the next party. Cheers!

Sorry About the Date

I posted the wrong date for my party. It is Saturday, June 30, 2007. Hope to see you there!

p.s. I bought the fireworks tonight. They have the glow-in-the-dark fuse to light them safely.

Your Chance to Party Hardy in Farmington!

You're invited to a shore-line bash in Farmington! We'll be grilling on the patio overlooking the pond behind my house. Time for some shore-line fun in the sun!

What: Grilled food, games, awesome music and legal fireworks!
Date: Saturday, June 29, 2007
Time: 5:00 PM to whenever

Everyone who reads the blog is invited! Please shoot me an email at mlebens@yahoo.com for details and directions.

Kids are invited too! If you have some youngsters that want to come along, please let me know. There will be special treats just for the little ones.