Anger Management, Mary Style

I recently read a post on Rick Pope's blog where he was angry, and in the subsequent follow-up post, he waxed philosophical on the subject of anger. This brought me to ponder anger. I never blog angry. I usually don't feel like using a computer if I'm angry. More often than not, a malfunctioning computer is why I'm angry.
I thought I'd share a few of my own personal strategies for handling anger and/or crabbiness. (Disclaimer: These tips are not meant to be a substitute for professional mental health assistance. I am not a licensed counselor. Perro the dog is the only member of the household who is licensed in any manner.)

• Guns'n'Roses!

  I listen to Guns'n'Roses when in a stinky mood. They're so relaxing. A little "Sweet Child 'O Mine" and suddenly I'm mentally in Mexico sipping a Tequila Sunrise. I keep extra copies of Appetite for Destruction around the house and in the vehicles, in both cassette and CD format. The extra copies are just in case malfunctioning appliance rage or road rage strike me. In case of a real emergency, I stashed a DVD of all of Guns'n'Roses' videos in my IKEA wardrobe. It really has all of the videos - even the one where Axl leaps off the deck of an aircraft carrier and goes swimming with a school of dolphins. If that can't make you smile, then nothing will.
  
  

• Pets

  It's hard to feel angry when a ball of fur is nestling against your stomach. At my house, all I have to do is sit down and a pet shows up. Dressing up Perro in his Harley Davidson tee always cheers me up. He gets really cocky and struts around the house because he thinks he's a "cool" biker dog. Then he begs me to drive him to Toohey's, the baddest biker bar in Burnsville. You know how these things go. He hears the ads on 93X and then he just doesn't understand that biker bars don't allow dogs.
  
  

• Pantera

  Well, if it's a really serious case of rage, a little Pantera might be in order. Mike Gelfand of the KQ Morning Show once said that Pantera was the band the really angry kids listened to in high school. Even though they broke up a few years ago, there's nothing like Phil Anselmo's growl to help you work out anger issues. Warning: If you are anything like the Church Lady on Saturday Night Live, you probably don't want to invest in any Pantera albums. The content may offend you and make your anger worse. Sometimes they use "language".
  
  

• The Ole Piper Inn

  Not that I advocate stuffing down your feelings with food, but if you haven't eaten all day, and you're feeling crabby, the Ole Piper Inn in Lakeviolle might be just the ticket. Their free popcorn and basement-like, wood paneled decor are soothing.
  
  

• Printer Beat-down

  I'm sure many of you have enjoyed the movie Office Space. Remember the printer beat-down scene? If you have an extra inkjet and a baseball bat around the house, a printer beat-down might relieve your angst. Just take the printer outside and show it who's boss. This works especially well at relieving rage surrounding the perennial clogging of the nozzles on the inkjet printer head. I've heard of people also using AOL promotional CDs for target practice. Check with your local NRA chapter before trying this.