Dream Vacation

My dream vacation would involve iguana sightings, 24-hour pizza room service, and hanging out with a few of my favorite metal bands, like Atreyu and Shadows Fall.

I want to float away on the 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise in January. 40 metal bands, a trip to Cozumel (part of the native habitat of the giant green iguana) and round-the-clock pizza. A dream come true!

http://www.70000tons.com/home.htm

R.I.P. Paul Gray

A few of you might know I'm a big Slipknot fan (or maggot, as they refer to their fans.) I always keep my Slipknot T-shirts discreetly tucked under a blouse and a conservative blazer when I'm in a professional environment. But to the core, through and through, I'm a maggot.

I am deeply saddened to hear of the loss of Paul Gray their bassist today. Over the past 10 years their music has been there for me when no one else was. The remember the first time I heard Wait and Bleed in my headphones, ensconced in the blue carpeted walls of my cubicle. Since then Slipknot has been there after every crummy day at work, after every put down from the boss, every meeting gone awry. Slipknot is a group of Midwestern metal heads who do incredible things, like traveling the world and winning Grammies. I grew to believe if they can accomplish that then I should be able to at least apply for a promotion. They've always brought me up to a higher place.

Paul Gray's music was amazingly powerful and his time too short. My deepest condolences go to his family and friends.

A Little Swedish Metal

In the past few years I've come to love Swedish metal as much as IKEA. I struggle with how something from a foreign place can engender nearly as much excitement in me as incredible Midwestern bands like Slipknot. In particular I enjoy the Swedish band In Flames' tune "Take this Life". It's a great song to blast while tooling down the highway in a Smart car, with just a bit of irony, as the clerk at my favorite Kwik Trip reminds me weekly how I'm taking my life in my hands driving a Smart on the highway. My dream is to someday vacation in Scandinavia and check out the black metal scene there.

Summer Concert Update

The ice flow on my sidewalk is shrinking in the warm March sunshine and my thoughts have turned to this year's summer concert lineup. On a Sirius satellite radio interview Ozzy said Ozzfest 2010 is happening. There are no bands or dates announced yet.

Apocalyptica (the trio that plays Metallica music on cellos) is going to be at Rockfest in Cadott, WI but the rest of the bands playing look lame or washed up.Whoever dreamed up Rockfest developed an incredible business plan to convince people to spend $250 to see Soul Asylum and one of the guys from Bush. I need to do the same! RockingOutFest 2011 in Farmington, MN! We'll invite the guys from Live, the annoying singer from 4 Non-Blondes and that one lady from the 90's who sings about riding the bus with God.Or maybe CountryStyleFest with country singers from the 70's, senior discounts, and lots of coffee booths. Hmmm . . . . I just might have a proposal brewing for the Farmington City Council. CountryStyleFest 2011!

Metallica Live in Las Vegas

For me a typical day in the paradise of Las Vegas consists of a leisurely poolside afternoon spent with a Stephen King novel, a delicious dinner at Little Ceasar's pizza and an evening moshing to Metallica. Last night as I stood amongst a sea of metal heads, fist pumping in unison with 12,000 other people wearing black t-shirts, I was filled with the strength of belonging to something larger than myself. Seniors, teens, kids and parents were shouting the same words to a 24-year old thrash metal song. When the lights dimmed for a moment and the first few chords of "Fade to Black" rang out, a reverent hush fell over the crowd. To be a part of this music, these songs which have accompanied so many moments and events, which have spanned a generation, was incredible.

Celebrate Christmas with Alice Cooper

For those of you in the Phoenix area, Alice Cooper is putting on a rocking Christmas show on December 18th at the Dodge Theater with Warrant, Dee Snider (of Twisted Sister) and Lita Ford. I'll be stranded in Minne-snow-ta grading final exams over the holidays. I hope a few of you Valley of the Sun metalheads can go in my place. Alice is the best. Seeing him in concert at the 2006 Taste of Minnesota was a true pleasure.

Monk Gives Up Metal Habit

In a great blow to the Italian metal community, the lead singer of Fratello Metallo is leaving the band. The world-famous metal monk Friar Cesare Bonizzi is retiring due to relationship issues with his band mates and manager caused by the devil. Although many metal singers claim some connection to the devil (such as Vince Neil did in Motley Crue's famous ditty "Shout at the Devil"), Friar Bonizzi is probably one of the few who is openly honest about real struggles with the Prince of Darkness. Hats off, or habits off, to Friar Bonizzi for his contributions to the world of metal. He will be missed.

Reuters interview with Friar Bonizzi

Unlocking the Secret of Keywords

About once a month I check out the Google Analytics reports for my blog. My favorite report is the list of keywords which led people to the blog. Recently the keywords "Vince Neil pantyhose" led a new reader to the blog. I know exactly what the person was searching for - the 1992 "You're Invited (But Your Friend Can't Come)" video in which Vince walks out on stage clad in an oversize blouse, pantyhose, and a headband. After strutting out in this fashion mistake, Vince won't allow Pauly Shore into the concert because Pauly's not cool enough for him! Usually I embed referenced videos, but the vision of Vince in pantyhose is so off-putting I didn't want to force readers to see it. If you have a strong stomach, the video is available on YouTube.

Other interesting keywords which have recently brought people to the blog:

• Iguana tail amputations
• Farmington Steakhouse
• Is Initech Real?
• Ozzy Osbourne track pants
• Old style console television
• Slipknot's lead signer's new mask

People are definitely searching for information on heavy metal fashion, from pantyhose to track pants to masks, and I'm glad to provide it for them.

Fargo Rock City

Fargo Rock City : A Heavy Metal Odyssey in Rural North Dakota by Chuck Klosterman

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I had to rate this book as amazing because it features an entire chapter on Guns'N'Roses. I spent around a year, year and a half, where I listened to Appetite for Destruction once a day either on my way to or from work. Now that I know someone else out there has done the same, I don't feel so bad about my level of obsession. In addition to being obsessed with Axl Rose, Chuck Klosterman is both a humorous and insightful writer. I recommend Fargo Rock City to any metal head or anyone who has to live with one.


View all my reviews.

A Hero in my Own Mind

I discovered a solution to my inability to learn song lyrics without the CD liner notes. Santa brought me a Wii for Christmas. I am using the little microphone to sing along with the songs in Guitar Hero (well, I only pick the heavy metal songs, so it's more like growl and scream along with the songs.) I got 94% on the Chimaira song the first time I tried it. First time! I admire a band who derives their name from a multi-headed monster in Homer's Iliad. Who knew those classics courses I took as an English major would bring depth to my appreciation of metal? I picture my current project at work as a Chimaira of sorts. As soon as we lop off the roaring lion head, the fire-breathing dragon head rears up, ready to torch us. But I digress.
Not only does the Guitar Hero vocal option help me learn the lyrics to songs, it also impresses them into my memory in such a way I can recall them at will. If only I could have come up with some song lyrics about telecommunications last semester for my telecomm class. I struggled to memorize the terminology, POTS, CLECs, SIP, it went on and on. Maybe I could form my own telecomm metal band, where we just growl about pulse code modulation and session initiation protocol.

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If you have Guitar Hero at home, you can download the Chimaira song "Walking on Broken Glass" for free. I'm thinking about seeing them on the "Decimation of the Nation" tour this summer, maybe in Des Moines or Sioux Falls. They're both great towns.

Lyrical Loss

The strange thing about listening to MP3s is I no longer read lyrics. There are no liner notes in the virtual world. If you know the kind of music I favor, there's quite a bit of screaming and growling involved, and sometimes the singer even uses his cookie-monster voice. Unless I read the lyrics, I have no clue what's being said. Sometimes I even make up my own lyrics. For Bullet for My Valentine's "Scream, Aim, Fire" I like to substitute, "Driving to the office/In my tiny hatchback so slow/Spilled my coffee again/Lack of caffeine really does blow/Arrrrrrrghhh! Scream, aim, fire!"
I miss sitting cross-legged on the floor listening to CDs, with a jumble of liner notes, notebooks and journals strewn around me. Yet I'm richer than I could have ever imagined. I used to include $15 per month in my budget for a new CD. Now I can download music from CNET or Amazon, hundreds of songs, years' worth of my CD budget for free. For everything there is a trade-off.

Something To Look Forward To

Sadly, the summer of 2009 will be bereft of the annual Ozzfest metal festival. According to Billboard.com, Ozzy Osbourne is working on a new studio album and is putting the festival on hiatus this year to concentrate on the album.
It's been said all you need to be happy is something to do, something to look forward to, and someone to love. Of course, I staked my summer happiness on looking forward to Ozzfest. I've seen Ozzy five times in concert, but his appeal never wears off. Even though he can't speak coherently in "The Osbournes" TV show, he sings remarkable clear on-stage. I've observed him onstage wearing the black track pants with the white stripe on the leg which are a staple wardrobe item in the TV program. I added a couple of pairs to my own wardrobe after seeing Ozzy in them. There's nothing wrong with copying a hot fashion trend when you see one. I was hoping to wear one of my pairs of track pants to Ozzfest this summer. Now my dreams of showing off my comfortable metal fashion are shattered.
As I sat in my office this afternoon, without Ozzfest to fuel my daydreams of summer, I was feeling down about tomorrow's impending snowstorm. I listened to my trusty Walkman radio as I worked at the computer. An ad came on for some festival in Willmar, Minnesota. Ignoring the ad as I peered intently at the computer code on my screen, all I heard was "Blah, blah, Willmar, blah, blah, blah, As I Lay Dying."
After an exhilarating ride home from work in my Smart car, I did a bit of web research. Yes, the actual As I Lay Dying is headlining the Sonshine festival at the Willmar Civic Arena in July. The ticket price even includes free camping!
I saw As I Lay Dying open for Slipknot in 2005 and have since listened to them incessantly on my car's MP3 player. Their lyrics are pretty much indecipherable between the singer's cookie monster voice delivery and the dark thrashing drums in the background, so I didn't even realize they were a Christian band. I usually expect Christian music to be pretty upbeat, since Christians have salvation to look forward to, and if they're Lutherans, coffee and bars after every Sunday service. I can't wait to see As I Lay Dying rock out at Sonshine. I'm picturing a giant mosh pit, full of headbanging Lutherans jacked up on giant cups of coffee and fistfuls of sugary 7-Layer bars. Now I have something to look forward to this summer.

Chilling with Coldplay

Right now I"m watching an interview of Coldplay on 60 Minutes. Why did CBS bother flying in Coldplay from London just to appear on 60 Minutes? My 94 year-old grandma loves 60 Minutes. She likes the crabby rants of Andy Rooney and so do I. I think the target audience of 60 Minutes is probably not interested in Coldplay. They probably do not own iPods and are irritated when their grandchildren refuse to listen to them due to the white wires dangling out of the kids' ears. The whole 60 Minutes audience probably just collectively clapped off the TV using the Clapper and shuffled into the kitchen for a cup of Sanka. (Just like I'm tempted to do.)

I can't criticize Coldplay's music directly because I've never purposely listened to it. But I think it's a bad sign when one of the first sentences out of the lead singer's mouth is, "We rely more on enthusiasm than actual skill."

Then they cut to a few scenes of the lead singer jumping around on stage and using a white board to scribble lyrics. One of my former supervisors advised me to learn how to use the white board more in order to earn a promotion. He would have loved the lead singer of Coldplay.

I'm pretty sure Coldplay isn't a band I'd be interested in. Based on the one comment below from the CBS interviewer, I'm afraid Coldplay might get trampled in a mosh pit.

"You won't catch this band in tight leather pants or snorting drugs off the
back of a stripper."

The Boston Herald published an article with one of the interview quotes I used above. I felt I should include this reference so noone thought I was making this up just to slander the hapless Coldplay.

Kickoff to the New Metal Year

Friday night held a rare treat for me:

Floor tickets to the kick-off show of Slipknot's 2009 "All Hope is Gone" tour. The opening act was Trivium, who I first learned about years ago when James Hetfield (of Metallica) recommended them in an interview. Their rapid technical skill and pulse-pounding thrashing is engrossing. As Trivium played, throngs of headbangers were already pushing to the front of the stage and writhing in the beginnings of the mosh pit. Two littler guys were next to me, probably sixth or seventh graders. One of them looked over at me with a mix of fear and bravado as the edge of the pit drew close to us. I advised him to keep his elbows out, knees up, and chin tucked.

Slipknot was incredible, almost indescribable. The feeling of damp T-shirts pushed against you on all sides, the aroma of smoke and the soft crush as the crowd surged forward were exhilarating. Slipknot certainly doesn't hide their talent behind their masks. Screaming along to "Wait and Bleed" was a wonderful kick-off to the new year of metal shows. Happy New Year!

Mosh Pit on the Mall

This afternoon I was listening to the post-inaugural coverage on public radio. The male reporter commented on how diverse the crowd was at the National Mall. Then the female reporter agreed, saying there were so many young people down there "that is looked like a mosh pit." I cracked up at the contrast between the solemn, moving inaugural address and the vision of a mosh pit full of flailing arms and legs at the base of podium. I certainly hope the scene on the National Mall was nothing like a mosh pit.

Generics: Finally a Fad

After many years of hoping store-brands would become popular, my wish has finally come true. The Wall Street journal recently reported on how consumers are switching to generics in everything from face wash to toilet paper. I've been using generics for years. I've been doing this so long that I don't actually know if the brand name is better. I prefer to leave it that way. If you're happy with a Smart car, why tempt fate by test driving a Mercedes? Sometimes it's better not to know what you're missing.
I wonder if anyone really cares if they have the best brand of TP or cleaning spray. I'd rather save the money for concert tickets. Are you going to tell your grandkids stories about how you always bought the real-name brand Lysol instead of the dollar store disinfectant? No, definitely not. I'll be telling my grandkids about the time I saw the band Rammstein shoot flaming arrows into the audience or my onstage debut at Metal Madness '98, headbanging while perching on Porcelain God's signature toilet. There's nothing more lovely than an evening spent in the comfort of friends and good music.
I saved my pennies during December, drinking water instead of vending machine soda, eating frozen bean burritos instead of Subway for lunch, and of course, buying my holiday goodies 100% generic at ALDI. The payoff is I scored floor tickets to the opening show of Slipknot's 2009 tour in St. Paul, Minnesota. I'll be clinging to the security bars in front of the stage, enjoying a metal extravaganza in good conscience, as I saved up the money for my tickets through my own frugal weirdness. A hard lesson I've learned is the anticipation is half the excitement of any metal show. Once you save up for your tickets, lay out your favorite shirt the night before and pack your hand sanitizer, the glorious moment of arriving in the mosh pit is all the more sweet.
I'm so happy to see people finally feel OK buying generics. I hope everyone has the chance to spend their money on something they really believe in, something bigger and brighter and a whole heck of a lot more important that brand-name cleaning supplies. Maybe for just a little while, generics will be cool, and everyone can follow the fad for saving their hard-earned cash.

Headbanging Pets

As I was reading Alice Cooper's new book on the treadmill today, I was struck by his loving description of his pet snakes, especially one named Yvonne, who he calls the "sweetest thing in the world" (Cooper, 2007). I've known many friends, and friends of friends, who love metal and have some kind of animal buddy living with them.
Over the years I've met white rats, cockatoos, snakes, bearded dragons and plenty of snugly kitties and pups who belong to heavy metal fans. When I was in high school, one of my buddies was quite a skilled amateur herpetologist and he owned a Savannah monitor. With enough handling from a young age, this species of monitor can become quite docile. One day I was ushering at church and my pal came through my line for the bulletins. He leaned over and opened the top of his jean jacket a bit. A pair of beady eyes peered out and a stubby snout rested against his black t-shirt. The monitor was so still that he went unnoticed for the entire service, unlike the giant Slayer patch on the back of my pal's jacket, which caused quite a stir amongst the parishioners.
For some reason, metal heads seem drawn to pets. Maybe its because pets are non-judgmental. They don't care how long your hair is, how many earrings you have, or that you decided to go to Music Tech of Minnesota to learn how to be a roadie instead of majoring in business at St. Thomas. Not only headbangers, but most people could benefit from that kind of unconditional acceptance.

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A quick side note:
Oscar, the Savannah Monitor pictured here, is a rescue animal who was fostered and placed with a reptile-ready family by the California organization Reptile Haven.

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Cooper, Alice with Zimmerman, Keith. 2007. Alice Cooper, Golf Monster. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Circle Pit Right Now

I enjoyed the article "The Delicate Ar of the Mosh Pit" from the Guardian UK newspaper:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2008/aug/21/thedelicateartofthemoshpit

If you scroll down a bit, the article's author embedded a YouTube clip of a mosh pit at a Lamb of God concert in Hannover, Germany. Disturbingly, it looks exactly like the Lamb of God pit I saw at Ozzfest 2007 in East Troy, Wisconsin. It's like the same crowd of people turned out for both concerts. Maybe there are quite a few people from Germany in Wisconsin. That the four types of bratwurst served at that Ozzfest.

Uneasy Listening Pat II

Just a note from my last blog post:

I borrowed the title Uneasy Listening from the Finnish metal band H.I.M.'s two-part opus "Uneasy Listening" I & II.

There's an H.I.M. song from Uneasy Listening in the playlist on the post. They're a bit like the metal version of ABBA. Enjoy!

Uneasy Listening

I was in the car the other night, driving home from class with a horrible cold, listening to some gentle metal to soothe my pounding sinus headache. I thought of a great idea while waiting at the red light on County Road 42, just north of the Farmington border. Why not share a few of my favorite hits from the softer side of metal with you, my faithful blog readers?
I compiled a play list of a few not-so-heavy metal moments with Guns'N'Roses, Slipknot, Metallica, Ozzy and Avenged Sevenfold. In particular, I recommend you check out Apocalyptica, the heavy-metal classical cello trio. And don't miss the Stone Sour song, "Looking Through the Glass". One time my husband texted me from Subway to let me know he heard Corey Taylor from Slipknot on the local adult contemporary station. Yes, that was an encounter with the song "Looking Through the Glass". I thought I'd never enjoy a song in the adult contemporary category, but sometimes your worst nightmares do come true.

Here's to the softer side of metal. Cheers!

My Uneasy Listening Play List